we talk about compatibility

There was a night when all my girlfriends were sit around the table discussing about this one particular cliche topic yet a crucial one-- marriage. Some of us did tell how and what kind of future husband they would want to have in mind? It went to a very broad discusion, because each of us indeed had a very different preference in many areas. Some would want to settle with a well-established guy, some would prefer to have a weekend husband instead of a daily one, as well as, some would want to give in to fate-- like what ever kind of husband comes to them in future would be a kind of gift and blessing. Something more to do with 'what will be, will be'. Submit pleasantly to; rezeki. 

Further discussed, we took a ponder moment to an area when we thought ourselves; "are we compatible with those types of criteria we preferred?" or if you find this familiar to you-- kufaa'ah (sekufu) (?) 

 Are rich guys good for us? Is weekend husband someone that we needed? Do submitting wholly to fate justify yourself as being too nice in choosing? How do we justify compatibility? 

You see, this area has come to my mind long long time ago. Ever since the topic was my subject in school while in form 4. I thought, long ago, that kufa'ah would be something more objective. Like you should marry someone who is similar to you in particular aspects. A high-end guy should marry a high-end lady; because they are compatible to understand each other's way of life. An educated guy should marry an educated woman; logically because they would be compatible to fit in each other's way of thinking. It went like that. 

Objective. My thought went tangible. 

That might be true, eventually. But while choosing a guy to marry, I doubt a lot, like one should be looking thoroughly. Not particularly take it too lightly. I am forced to think something more deeper and yet, subjective. Allah doesn't choose a spouse for you specifically for something you acquire; the wealth, the family background, or the education level. Don't get confused, those that have been mentioned is including. But we would like to have a deeper though onto this. 

Be more abstract. 

A rich guy who live a high-end life, might be compatible for an ordinary life lady. We don't know how wise someone could be living their life, do we? An educated lady who is so humble intellectually could be a compatible pair for a man with nothing but skills? It is justifiable, still. 

My point, on top of all, is that; kufa'ah can be justified only when you talk to the future husband, only when you know them. And only, when you love them. Because after all, love justifies almost anything. When you talk to them, you can listen to their body language, you see how they would be willing to fit you when there is diversification. When you know them, you know their behavior; their way of thinking. In essense, Allah knows best. 

Woman of purity is for the man of purity and so otherwise. 

I guess that's precise and brilliant enough to feel secured that God in no matter what and how knows best about what's best for you while you know not. And there's nothing so safer such that.

As for me, I am blessed to have those friends who are open to have this kind of conversation. By that I mean, it is not too opinionated and everyone is welcomed to speak out their own thoughts. Sharing is indeed, love. 

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